We fear most what we don't understand...

A deep topic, perhaps, but not today. It is inspired by my one-and-a-half-year-old son pulling away sharply from his basket of board books to squeal in panic. I run to see the culprit: a housefly. He fears, dreads, detests this housefly. First he screamed. Then he growled, watching it all the time with a paranoia worthy of Stephen King. What lessons can be taken from a child? An infinite number... an unknown number, at least. Today I learned what ignorance yields: fear.

Finished with the first rough draft of my first novel...

Oh, by the way... I finished the rough draft of my first novel! Big news for me. Of course, now I have the arduous task of attempting to revise 305 pages of storyline, character, and mechanics. That's frightening. I've decided to put my manuscript aside for a time while I study the works of my favorite authors for revision inspiration. So far I have already learned some things from J.K. Rowling and C.S. Lewis about good story-telling that I'll need to go back to insert in my own story. Techniques only, of course, not ideas. It's fun.

I have to warn other authors who may be reading this blog: after I printed out the finished first draft of my novel, I immediately began to look at it with a very harsh eye. In no time, I had determined that I'd just wasted a ream of paper and that my book was crap. However, after putting it aside for a day and then viewing it with fresh eyes from the beginning (which I haven't looked at in ages), I have to say that I am pleased with my work, though it is nowhere near perfect!

I think this is probably very common--to finish a huge project and then hate it immediately. The reason, perhaps, is the hours of work I put into it only to find it is not as graceful or flawless as my favorite authors' work. But I am resolved to forgive myself for that, and to continue on in my quest for a finished story--one that, I hope, I will be proud of.

Now that the middle of the story is at least down on paper, I am beginning the first novel of the series, which will actually be the second novel I'll have written. I do have outlines for the first and the third books, though they are subject to alteration just as the middle book still is. I hope to get them all finished in rough draft form so that I can tie the ribbon of fluency throughout the series with coordinated plot, characters, and themes. That's the goal. I shall keep you updated on how I am doing.

Keeping this writer's blog/journal has been very beneficial to me, though I am sure nobody reads it but me. It lets me brag and berate myself with technologically-enhanced ease, so that I don't have those thoughts all pent up in my mind, threatening to explode. Thank you, blogger.com. Truly.

Progress for progress' sake?

I'm on page 264 with 25 chapters; the cruise ship wedding, climax, and hospital scene ending are all that remain of this particular episode. Then I go back in time to write the beginning. Riveting.

I find myself writing more and more in large blocks of text, and I don't think that's a good thing. I'm trying to speed through events to get to the end. Well, even with this technique, I've already written 15 more pages than the goal and I'm not to the climax of the story. This isn't so terrible, since making this book into a trilogy means cutting out several flashbacks from the beginning. However, I recognize that in my first revision, I'll have to add several more sections of dialogue in these rushed scenes so they don't feel so brushed-over.

I'm also realizing that I should do a few more scenes at the beginning and in the middle from someone's perspective beside the protagonist, Mirielle. Maybe her boyfriend, Brian, could talk for a while, or her godfather: the mysterious Angus himself.

We'll see what I can come up with. I love using my imagination to write this story. The frustrating thing is trying to make the writing good. The imagination is there--but the expectations of others demand coherent and uniform writing.

I need to regulate the number of pages in each chapter, and perhaps combine a few shorter chapters. I need to omit unnecessary scenes. I also need to go over each section of dialogue and make sure my characters sound distinct. I think they're all too vanilla, and I don't mean white... I mean boring. They need more personality. I just reached a place in the novel where Mirielle becomes better friends with her roommate, who hated her previously. To show their newfound bond, I was trying to list their commonalities and ended up realizing that Mirielle is really boring. I think I may have to rethink her personality--make her a bit more edgy, a bit more chip-on-her-shoulder, like I always was as a teenager. The good news is that the prequel to this book will do a lot of solidifying her personality, since she'll be seen from Angus' perspective in that episode. I'm excited to do most of that book from third person limited (-Angus-) so we can have more insight into why he does things without him having to say it out loud.

I guess what I'm learning is that writing is more than a process of trial and error, writing and revision. It's also a journey wherein the writer meets her characters several times for the first time and each time is forced to analyze who they are and why they do what they do. It's a fascinating journey, and also sometimes cumbersome. I wish they would just jump up and introduce themselves to me, but the truth is they are only what I make them. They don't surprise me by what they are capable of, as I've heard some writers say. They do exactly as the are told. Maybe that's the problem. This probably doesn't make any sense to normal people reading this blog. I'm just rambling.

And maybe now is a good time to stop.

Realizing goals feels good.

I have recently discovered that realizing your personal and familial goals feels pretty darn good. With Bill making more than twice what he was making in Michigan, and Samuel growing up to be a darling, decent little boy, my life has been cozy--to put it mildly!

I've had time to train for my first marathon, which will be in October 2008. And I've had time to write. In the past few months, I have written an entire book. Well, I have a few pages left to write at the beginning and the end, but the middle is complete. It is amazing what you can get done in just one day when motivated and disciplined... and blessed. Let's not forget the blessings of a loving Father in Heaven who gives me purpose and realization of my worthy goals. He is glorious and--well, Divine!

With daily prayers for inspiration, I've been able to average ten pages in my story each day. The catch is that I have to write forward. I discovered that going back to revise the previous day's work only serves to stall the process and inhibit my imagination. So, I'm going to revise the book through a series of re-readings once it is complete. I have reached page 250 and passed it, so my new goal is simply to write out the rest of my outline in story form. That should only take a remaining 10-15 pages. After that, I had planned to revise and revise and revise with a paper copy of my work with a good old fashioned red pen.

But then I had an epiphany. Well, I remembered that my genre of novel likes to see a series, and so I pondered it, and mulled it over, and decided that, yes, I would write a trilogy. Why not? It's been done by so many! Surely, I can do it, too! Well, I certainly hope I can because the goal is on paper now and there's no stopping it from reaching fruition. I will complete this project and I will do it before the end of this year!

Having done with the middle part of the story, I have a prequel and a sequel to write. The prequel is practically written, since I began this story six years ago with events predating the middle portion. I've found some of those portions on an old livejournal. I'm so satisfied that the internet didn't eat them up. Sometimes one wonders about the things we send into cyberspace.
So the biggest challenge will be writing the last installment of the series. That is the episode that will require the most raw imagination. The outline isn't written yet--not really. Oh, but it will be soon. I find that the keys to my continual writing include a dash of self-deception. For one thing, I can't very well admit to myself how terrible I think that last paragraph sounds. I have to keep moving forward, as Disney says, and hope to revise it later. This requires ignoring a lot of my book's faults, but only temporarily. The depressing period of revision will be the time for picking at every pimple and sore. Painful as it will be, I will do it. Just not now. Now, I have goals to meet and two more books of a series to write, mesh, and coordinate together.

I read a book recently about how to read like a writer. In fact, I think that's what it was called: Read Like a Writer by a lady named Prose.

She made some helpful points, including the point that we should be reading our favorite authors carefully to learn from them the nuances of good writing. So I picked up my anthology of Emily Dickinson today and perused a few of her thousands of poems. Then I picked up the first Harry Potter by J.K. Rowling and began that for the umpteenth time, admiring the way she structures her sentences to keep me interested, even though I know how the story goes. Do you know that she has another book out? Tales of Beedle the Bard, or something. I can't wait to read it.

When I first picked up Harry Potter at the recommendation of my 13-year-old sister, I read a few lines in the middle and gave this verdict: "There's nothing remarkable about this writing." That was one of my life lessons. It turned out over the course of actually reading the books, there was something remarkable about her writing! It was in the way she used simple words and phrases in creative ways to tell an ingenious story with important moral principles. It was in the humor of her scenes and in her characters' voices, or the fright you can almost feel when Harry battles a foe. They were meant for children, published by Scholastic, no less. Yet, they reached a much more vast audience. There was definitely something remarkable about that author's writing. I can only hope to be a quarter as successful as she was, or half as good a writer.
Then there is Jane Austen, who is, of course, in a class by herself. Nobody can hold a candle to her. J.K. Rowling is fabulous, of course, but it is a different kind of writing. She is like J.R.R. Tolkein himself, or C. S. Lewis--in her skillfull story-telling. Jane Austen did more than tell a story with a moral. She gave us elegant insight into the minds of real people--not just made-up characters. Oh, she was fantastic. If only I could write with her narrator's authority and eloquence. If only my characters could be as aloof and emotionally-charged as hers.
I may be relegated to the status of blog-writer forever. Would that be a travesty? My only claim on writing is that I love it so well, and that it soothes me, and that my mother always loved my poetry. No greater than any other man's claim on the sport. But I do love it.

I hope that novel-writing is like essay-writing. The first essay I ever wrote was horrible, unremarkable, and disorganized. But as I learned the rules of good essay-writing, and practiced, and received criticism well, I began to get A's and then gold medals in Academic Decathlon's essay category, and finally published in the school journal. If I sat down to write an essay, even now, it would not be as good as my essays then were. It's about learning the rules and practicing consistently, right? So, in theory, I should be able to learn the art of novel-writing in the same manner. With this in mind, I believe strongly that my method of moving forward and writing and writing and writing and finishing my rough draft before I revise will work. When I have finished that, I will go back and apply the new rules I have learned through practice, and the revised copy will be glorious. Or at least better. I hope.

Wish me luck in my attempts at writing. For I have been working on the same novel for six years, and that is too long for failure. I must finish this story, because at least three others that I have thought of since beginning now beg to be told. My work is never done.

Guardian Covenant turns TRILOGY

Well, things have been going so well with my story, I've decided to expand into a trilogy. The book I am currently working on will be in the middle, with the prequel and sequel to be finished soon. I have 212 pages of the middle book completed, which means I have less than 40 pages to my original goal of 250. It's going to be a task to make sure the three books are seamless, without contradiction to each other, but that's why I'm going to do them all in the same word document. I'm having fun weaving true life principles into the story, especially after I read an awful book called Best Friends by Martha Moody. It was her first novel and more edgy travesties are to follow already. I will not be reading any subsequent novels from that author. Though the book was not entirely without merit, it did further political and amoral agendas that I want no part of. For one, it attempted to make pornography seem acceptable as a way of providing for a family, and I am dead-bent against pornography in all its forms. On top of that, the narrator's many extra-marital affairs and her husbands' extra-martial affairs make adultery look commonplace and borderline acceptable. I find that type of writing unacceptable and I wouldn't want my children to read it either.

Call me old fashioned, call me a Dr. Laura fan, but I don't like the idea of all our morals in society decaying past the point of no-return. Imagine a world where people did whatever they wanted whenever they wanted, oblivious to whom they hurt because they were trying to make THEIR life better and happier, at least for a moment or two. That's exactly what our society worldwide is coming to: selfishness, the ME era. I'd rather have our era be called the Golden era like a past era was called. Why must we be so self-destructive while being self-serving. I'm not on a soap-box, believe me. I've had my share of self-destructive and self-serving behavior and I still battle with the self. I just think we should be writing and discussing about admirable human qualities, qualities that CAN BE attained in this life: honor, as my friend Rosie taught me, and compassion for others, sensitivity to others and not only oneself, sacrifice. In my mind, sacrifice is one of the most important qualities we can add to our lives. It is found in bearing and raising children with kindness; it is found in staying married and building love even after several years of tribulation or financial distress; it is found in honesty and scruples in business despite low profits or failed marketing; it is found in every type of real love and every type of true virtue. Sacrifice and its surprising rewards and joy should be taught to our children. Sacrifice should be written of in every tale. Well, at least that's what I think. I hope my writing is at least good enough to be a vehicle for this message to others. Read for the characters, the personalities, the plot, but remember clearly the message: Love is sacrifice and joy can be found therein.

It sure feels good to get words down on the page and to get closer to my goals of publication, though perhaps not acclaim. My brand of principles and scruples isn't so welcome in the editor's office. We'll have to see how difficult it is to get a novel published when it's not EDGY to the point of apostasy. Of course, if a person doesn't know the truth, I can hardly blame them for floundering. It's impossible to apostasize from lies, and it is the truth with which I am mainly concerned. I just wish there were more people out there SEEKING truth. Why are people content to live out a zombied existence, with no true ambition for goodness? Benjamin Franklin is a man I most admire for his list of qualities that he believed would lead him to perfection. He tried--and failed--many times to overcome every human flaw. But he tried. How many of us can honestly say that we have tried to overcome our flaws and move toward perfection? I hope more of us will. I know it has been a goal of mine to follow in his ambitions, though perhaps not his exact footsteps.

Mirielle, my protagonist, is me in a lot of ways. But she is a better version of me, though she still has faults. I have not written her with my faults, which I deem to be too awful for a heroine to possess. I want her to be a role model, not a real model. My struggle, then, is to make her story believable in the midst of unbelieveable events. I hope I can succeed in this. It will be my life's work until I do.

Other life goals this year: run my first marathon on Oct. 7th and teach my son to read.

Peace and Blessings.