With Mind Traveler almost done, I'm itching for a new story

I said that Mind Travler is almost done...almost. But not quite. I'm over 250 pages and just lingering for an unknown ending. How does it end? I have no idea. I'm wondering if I should begin my next book with the ending so I can avoid this pitfall. Speaking of the next story, I won't be writing details because I'm afraid of inspiring a better writer to beat me to the punch on this idea. It will be great, though. I will write about the characters and their interactions, but not about who they really are. It should be a really fun book to write, though. I've already got it mostly outlined. A title is still elusive since the one I first had is already taken.

I've written a little since we've been in Michigan, but hardly at all. I had thought of some new ideas for my next book on the plane over, so I had to get them down. And I wrote another page in Mind Traveler, delineating some possibilities and impossibilities in that fantastic world.

Mostly, I'm feeling excited about my writing, but a bit reticent to jump back into it until after this vacation. There are many difficult writing decisions to be made in the near future. And I want to do things right.

Sorry to be vague, but that's how it has to be on a public blog sometimes. Take care, my devoted following. :-)

Query Letters and Mind Traveler Update

I spent some time yesterday reading the internet for query letter tips. The query letter, as you may or may not know, is an important part of the author's toolkit. I'll send a query letter to my favorite agents or agencies when I'm ready to be represented with my book(s). The agency I most want to represent me asks for a brief synopsis to be included, so that's the type of query letter I wrote. For practice, I wrote two query letters, one for the Guardian Covenant series (which used to be titled Unbroken Promise), and one for Mind Traveler, which I'm currently writing (I'm currently on page 140!). It was actually fun writing the little blurbs that I imagine on the backs of my books.

I also saw the movie Twilight, made after Stephenie Meyer's first book. There were a lot of teen girls screaming in the audience whenever the hot vampires came on screen, so that was mildly entertaining/distracting. I also cheered when Edward's volvo spun out in a fast and dramatic way. It was so cool! I know I'm a dork.

But after we got home, I wrote ten more pages in Mind Traveler, so that makes about 15 pages for the day. Not too shabby. I'm enjoying Ruby's sidestory, too. It's helping me form the main plot.

I just got a call from my mom this morning wherein she made me feel really good by gushing about the first few chapters of the second installment of Guardian Covenant: Proving Ground. After all the criticism and lukewarm reactions or no reactions I've gotten from people, it felt really good to hear that I'm getting better as I go along. That's great news! It means that when I go back to revise, it really will be an improvement, instead of just rehashing the same old garbage.

I'm getting better!! That's a really good feeling. Thanks, Mom.

For those of you skeptics who think my mom is just patronizing me, you haven't met my mom. She's very honest, and I love that about her.

So I think if I get the opportunity, I'll write more tonight. I find my writing flows best late at night when I'm really sleepy. That's also when I most want to go to sleep, so it's kind of a toss up; I have to make the choice anew each night.

I tried Stephenie Meyer's idea of listening to music while I write, but found that it actually makes it more difficult for me. I think it's because when I write, I do a lot of rereading of the part I just wrote in order to keep it coherent and connected, and I can't read coherently--let alone write--when my mind is distracted by lyrics and beats. Maybe I could listen to enya or classical piano, but that's about it. :-) I'll just have to keep it silent when I really want to get a lot of story covered.

Oh, in the news, there's a story about the "Buddha boy" which is quite interesting in light of my story. My husband mentioned him to me earlier, but I didn't really read about him until recently. It seems he is capable of suspended animation for long periods of time. Interesting: a modern day example of what I've been writing. This story idea just gets cooler and cooler.

On a side note, I sliced my finger a fifth of the way in while cutting up a lemon for the salmon. Now I can't type with it, as it is largely bandaged, and all of my other fingers are picking up the slack on the keyboard. It feels weird hitting 't's with my middle finger instead of the index finger.

This too shall pass.

In the cities, they forget God--story idea

"In the cities, they forget God; they can't see the stars at all." -Sariah Burke

A whole concept framed around this single quote that popped into my head as I searched for stars from the ground in a city in southern California. City vs. country life. A girl forced to move to the city who longs for quieter, one-with-nature country life. That's it. Pretty abstract so far.


MIND TRAVELER UPDATE: I haven't written anything today. I just finished Breaking Dawn, the last in the Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer. It made me look at my own work with a more critical eye. Meyer is so artful, even in places where you don't expect to see art. Her colorful imagery and beautiful similes put me to shame. I'll have to work on that.

Mid-November Mind Traveler Update

As of writing this, I am 108 pages and 30,200 words into Mind Traveler. I have been writing somewhat feverishly lately, admittedly frustrated by my inability to create more vivid scenes, especially since the other world I am writing about is meant to be ultimately vivid in every way. I'm sure that once the plot and character development is largely out of the way, I will have to go back obsessively to recreate those dream sequences that are so vital to the intensity of the theme of escapism vs. embracing reality.

Here's a clip from chapter 9, the latest chapter I have yet written:

“Don’t look so creeped out,” the young Professor smirked. “I don’t have a God complex. I’m just looking forward to the next phase in evolution when people won’t have the boundaries against one another that we have now. People will all know each other’s dreams, and eagerly help each other to reach them, because nothing will be barred from anybody, and there will be no need for competition. You and I will usher in heaven on earth.” His eyes were not maniacal now, but gentle and wise, and something else. He looked tortured.
My own eyes softened as I realized he had his own nightmares, regrets, his own hell to overcome in ushering in heaven.

The whole book is meant to be an argument of Eric Pierce with himself over which is preferrable in the long run: reality or fantasy? Or is there a way to combine them both into one blissful existence?

I originally had him visiting his future in his mind, but then decided to make his journey more symbolic than futuristic and he doesn't meet his future wife. All throughout, there is the promise of somebody who could possibly be his future wife if he could only overcome his insecurities and fears. And so, love is a theme, too.

Right now, I'm a little lost in the plot and just following the characters' lead. I have Eric doing things in waking life that he normally wouldn't do because of his homebody-ness. :-) He is testing his mental tenacity in more subtle ways than pricking himself and denying the pain. The strength it takes to stand up to his fans, critics, friends, and family is greater than the momentary strength it takes to defy gravity or convince himself that he is not in pain.

Real life is more terrifying to him than his nightmares.

And that is where I am right now in the story. When I'm low on inspiration like this, blog-writing seems to help. It also helps to keep writing until I feel inspired again. Kind of like what they say about praying. If you don't feel like praying, get on your knees and pray until you do. That's what it's like with my writing, as well. So, I go back to the blank page. Wish me luck.

My personal intro on a Stephenie Meyer fan site:

I'm a happily married mom of a toddler boy who is going to love to read someday since he is always copying mommy. :-) I have a lot in common with the author because I'm a Mormon girl from Arizona who went to BYU and majored in English. :-)

Stephenie Meyer's Twilight series was recommended to me by both of my parents and several cousins before I finally gave in to peer pressure and read it. I'm an aspiring novelist in the middle of my third "practice" novel, so reading her first novel gave me several pangs of jealousy that it seems to come so easily to her! But I have to admit that I absolutely love love love the way she writes. She is not Bella, and yet she successfully convinces you that she is, and really weaves a story using what the ever-perceptive Bella sees--and what she doesn't see. It's remarkable, especially when I visited her web site and read the story of how she came to write the series.

But even though reading her series made me feel envious of her skills, it also inspired me to be more bold, and more myself in my writing. The honesty in her works is delightful, and I try to emulate that in my own first-person stories. I wish there were a way for me to write her a letter to express how much I appreciate her for the inspiration that she is to all beginning writers.

Thank you, Stephenie Meyer!

Oh, and of course I'm pro-Edward for Bella, but I married my Jacob and never regretted it one day. Being married to my best friend is the most comfortable and peaceful state I could hope for. Especially since glittering vampires don't really exist. :-)

Vote today--you matter!

I believe that with all my heart. Each one of us matters. Our choices matter. Our thoughts matter. Our dreams matter. And in America, our votes matter! I'm proud to live in a nation with free elections and term limits that protect us from dictatorships and tyrrany. This country was formed out of adversity by inspired men and women who believed in freedom and justice, and believed that they mattered. For them, it wasn't just a vote. It was a battle...a war. Families were divided then like they are now, with some on one side of the fence, and the rest on the other. Though it's important to stand up for our values and our rights, it's equally important to remember as C.S. Lewis said,

"It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest and most uninteresting person you talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship, or else a horror and a corruption such as you now meet, if at all, only in a nightmare. All day long we are, in some degree, helping each other to one or other of these destinations. It is in the light of these overwhelming possibilities, it is with the awe and the circumspection proper to them, that we should conduct all our dealings with one another, all friendships, all loves, all play, all politics. There are no 'ordinary' people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilisations -- these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub and exploit -- immortal horrors or everlasting splendours. This does not mean that we are to be perpetually solemn. We must play. But our merriment must be of that kind (and it is, in fact, the merriest kind) which exists between people who have, from the outset, taken each other seriously -- no flippancy, no superiority, no presumption. And our charity must be a real and costly love, with deep feeling for the sins in spite of which we love the sinner -- no mere tolerance or indulgence which parodies love as flippancy parodies merriment."
--C. S. Lewis, From The Weight of Glory.

More important than our candidate winning this election is that we keep our affection for all, whether or not we agree with them.

While searching for the above C.S. Lewis quote, I found countless others and am sorely tempted to post them all. Here are a few:

"Wherever any precept of traditional morality is simply challenged to produce its credentials, as though the burden of proof lay on it, we have taken the wrong position." -C.S. Lewis
YES ON 8 FOR CALIFORNIA--for traditional marriage and whole families.

"Now is our chance to choose the right side. God is holding back to give us that chance. It won't last forever. We must take it or leave it." -C.S. Lewis
Kind of puts the fire under ya, doesn't it?

"You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream." -C. S. Lewis
I love this truth. It gives me hope for my authorial goals.

And on that note, I'll update you on my writing:

Guardian Covenant is set aside for now, with a running list of inconsistencies and revisions-to-be-made tallying up as my kind early readers give me priceless feedback. A comprehensive revision will be done once I have all that feedback.

The Mind Traveler is in progress with nearly forty pages completed. Part of me feels like I'm starting out too slowly. Another part feels I'm getting ahead of myself with the action. Either way, I am having fun writing Eric's story. He is hopelessly conflicted between craving acceptance and affection--and needing to be true to himself. After attending a lecture at a seminar on fringe neurology, he's wondering if mind travel is the answer to his depression. The idea of disciplining his mind to the point of total control promises to free him from unfettered, desperate emotion. He believes mind travel can cure his sorrow, repair all that has gone wrong with his life. As he learns more about it, he's eager to dive in before he understands all the perils and traps of his own mind. Though he's been warned, he jumps into the expanse of his imagination and finds a world he didn't expect...a place much like the world he abandoned for this one. And that's where even I don't know what will happen next.

The way this project started out is not where it seems to be going now. It was meant to be a twist on time travel, but based on the principles of hypnosis and belief. Now, it's much more complex. It started when I set out to write Professor Astor's lecture entitled “The Neurological Evidence of Mind Travel and its Implications on Human Evolution by Professor William Astor.” I wrote it in the form of an expository essay, seeking out points of evidence, but keeping it abstract for a wider readership and accessibility. He's my own personal mad scientist, kind of the voice within me that attracts me to science fiction in the first place--the dramatic possibility and superhuman, supernormal theory. Ah, I love it. It doesn't replace reality to me, but extends it. That's how I write it for Eric, too. He's intrigued by the idea of elective evolution based on intense mental discipline. Of course, his primary motive is escapism. His life has come to a devastating low, and he's faced with the reality that nobody understands him enough to love him truly, madly, deeply as he--and every human--craves.

Through mind travel, I intend for him to discover his worst nightmares, and to face them. In facing them, he will learn their antidotes. Of course, an added element of suspense will be the reader's fear that Eric won't be able to come out of his self-imposed coma or worse, that once he discovers the heaven in his own mind, he won't want to.

This will be a book for all the escapists out there like me who have, at one point or another, preferred an alternate reality to their own, and discovered once and for all that this reality is infinitely more beautiful when embraced.

The Mind Traveler project

In the same hour that I completed my first big literary project, I began the next.

The working title is The Mind Traveler and the concept came from a vivid dream about a man named Eric Pierce who visited his own future in his mind, adjusted to his surroundings, and then was forced back to his present only to find that he had not been "out" nearly as long as he had been gone. In the future, he meets his wife and must make choices between avoiding uncomfortable social realities or pursuing the love he craves from those he needs. In the process of belatedly growing up, my protagonist--a science fiction savant and a lonely bachelor--faces jealousy, betrayal, and abandonment from those he loves as well as his own darker side, an even more terrifying prospect.

This project is unique from my earlier project in a couple of ways. For one, the narrative is from first person perspective, which I have never attempted before. Secondly, the narrator is a man, and I have never been a man. Also, this work allows for more imaginative ramblings than my first because of my character's career as a science fiction novelist, as well as his journey into his own mind, which is basically the great and wild unknown.

I am, as yet, twenty two pages and 1.5 chapters into this project, so it's still in the excitement phase where I love everything about it and have a lot of optimism for its success. When I reach the one-hundred-page mark, I will force myself to update you, no matter how depressed I may be at that point. :-)

Here's a taste from the first chapter:

One thing I missed about the old telephones was the clanging sound they made when I hung up on a critic. Of course, I wouldn’t have to hang up on them if I didn’t call them in the first place, but it was so hard to have one’s life’s work denigrated and misinterpreted without the opportunity of defense and explanation. I pushed the END button on my cell phone as emphatically as the fragile little button could be pushed. It was yet unsatisfying.

One from the second chapter:

We ate lunch outside on glass dishes with silverware. The sun baked the air and, by proxy, us. It certainly kept the lasagna warm while we ate. Mom and Greg talked to each other about Greg’s goals and his new girlfriend, Tracy. I couldn’t help but smile at the way her name came up in a discussion about goals, as though she were priority one on Greg’s life to-do list. Mom turned to me at this point and in between sips of lemonade asked me if I was seeing anyone special.
“No,” I answered, leaving out that I had met an elf in the street yesterday. They wouldn’t have been interested—or amused—by that.

And another from the second chapter:

I looked in my bathroom mirror at my pale, thin face. The skin beneath my eyes was becoming lilac-tinted as I slept less and worried more about the foreordained falling out I was about to have with the only family I had. My shaggy red hair was getting too long. I pinched a strand near my forehead and pulled it taut to see how long it really was. I wanted the impossible: to look like the warriors I wrote about. Try as I might, my long hair more resembled a woman’s than a man’s. It would help, I thought masochistically, if I could grow some amount of facial hair to complete the look. But there was no arguing with the mirror; nobody ever wins against a mirror.

And now, empty room, you are all caught up to where I am in my writing projects.

Guardian Covenant project COMPLETE

That is not to say that there will never be revision, but as far as I'm concerned, the project is complete. There will be no major changes in the forseeable future. Guardian Covenant consists of two books: Promise and Proving Ground. The first is 220 pages and the second is closer to 300 pages.

I am relieved, disappointed, and proud for this landmark moment in my writing career: relieved because it has been a long and difficult labor, disappointed because I am not magically perfect at authoring novels as I had irrationally hoped, and proud because just like finishing my first marathon last month, I know I have accomplished something difficult and grown as a writer because of it.

If you are interested in reading these books, leave a comment on the blog. I have no immediate plans to seek publication, as I am still waiting for feedback from my first readers to know how to proceed.

In conclusion, a synopsis:

Angus Chase lives a reckless lifestyle, defending freedom and exacting justice without the bounds inflicted on legal institutions. But he is haunted by his thirst for vengeance and he struggles with questions of morality in an immoral world of criminals and spies. In the midst of his inner turmoil, a bright light enters his life in the form of his goddaughter, Mirielle. He becomes, from that moment on, her covenanted guardian. His growing love for her casts new light on his previous choices and challenges him to make new choices that defy his natural inclinations. When his work endangers her and her parents, he must choose to forsake either his family or his career, a decision which has never for anyone been more deadly.

Mirielle has her own choices to make as she grows up under the instruction of a lethal godfather whose skills are coveted, even in his business. She struggles with his long absences and the uncertainty of his safety and her own, while all around her, the everyday concerns of those she loves draw her into conflict on every level.

We fear most what we don't understand...

A deep topic, perhaps, but not today. It is inspired by my one-and-a-half-year-old son pulling away sharply from his basket of board books to squeal in panic. I run to see the culprit: a housefly. He fears, dreads, detests this housefly. First he screamed. Then he growled, watching it all the time with a paranoia worthy of Stephen King. What lessons can be taken from a child? An infinite number... an unknown number, at least. Today I learned what ignorance yields: fear.

Finished with the first rough draft of my first novel...

Oh, by the way... I finished the rough draft of my first novel! Big news for me. Of course, now I have the arduous task of attempting to revise 305 pages of storyline, character, and mechanics. That's frightening. I've decided to put my manuscript aside for a time while I study the works of my favorite authors for revision inspiration. So far I have already learned some things from J.K. Rowling and C.S. Lewis about good story-telling that I'll need to go back to insert in my own story. Techniques only, of course, not ideas. It's fun.

I have to warn other authors who may be reading this blog: after I printed out the finished first draft of my novel, I immediately began to look at it with a very harsh eye. In no time, I had determined that I'd just wasted a ream of paper and that my book was crap. However, after putting it aside for a day and then viewing it with fresh eyes from the beginning (which I haven't looked at in ages), I have to say that I am pleased with my work, though it is nowhere near perfect!

I think this is probably very common--to finish a huge project and then hate it immediately. The reason, perhaps, is the hours of work I put into it only to find it is not as graceful or flawless as my favorite authors' work. But I am resolved to forgive myself for that, and to continue on in my quest for a finished story--one that, I hope, I will be proud of.

Now that the middle of the story is at least down on paper, I am beginning the first novel of the series, which will actually be the second novel I'll have written. I do have outlines for the first and the third books, though they are subject to alteration just as the middle book still is. I hope to get them all finished in rough draft form so that I can tie the ribbon of fluency throughout the series with coordinated plot, characters, and themes. That's the goal. I shall keep you updated on how I am doing.

Keeping this writer's blog/journal has been very beneficial to me, though I am sure nobody reads it but me. It lets me brag and berate myself with technologically-enhanced ease, so that I don't have those thoughts all pent up in my mind, threatening to explode. Thank you, blogger.com. Truly.

Progress for progress' sake?

I'm on page 264 with 25 chapters; the cruise ship wedding, climax, and hospital scene ending are all that remain of this particular episode. Then I go back in time to write the beginning. Riveting.

I find myself writing more and more in large blocks of text, and I don't think that's a good thing. I'm trying to speed through events to get to the end. Well, even with this technique, I've already written 15 more pages than the goal and I'm not to the climax of the story. This isn't so terrible, since making this book into a trilogy means cutting out several flashbacks from the beginning. However, I recognize that in my first revision, I'll have to add several more sections of dialogue in these rushed scenes so they don't feel so brushed-over.

I'm also realizing that I should do a few more scenes at the beginning and in the middle from someone's perspective beside the protagonist, Mirielle. Maybe her boyfriend, Brian, could talk for a while, or her godfather: the mysterious Angus himself.

We'll see what I can come up with. I love using my imagination to write this story. The frustrating thing is trying to make the writing good. The imagination is there--but the expectations of others demand coherent and uniform writing.

I need to regulate the number of pages in each chapter, and perhaps combine a few shorter chapters. I need to omit unnecessary scenes. I also need to go over each section of dialogue and make sure my characters sound distinct. I think they're all too vanilla, and I don't mean white... I mean boring. They need more personality. I just reached a place in the novel where Mirielle becomes better friends with her roommate, who hated her previously. To show their newfound bond, I was trying to list their commonalities and ended up realizing that Mirielle is really boring. I think I may have to rethink her personality--make her a bit more edgy, a bit more chip-on-her-shoulder, like I always was as a teenager. The good news is that the prequel to this book will do a lot of solidifying her personality, since she'll be seen from Angus' perspective in that episode. I'm excited to do most of that book from third person limited (-Angus-) so we can have more insight into why he does things without him having to say it out loud.

I guess what I'm learning is that writing is more than a process of trial and error, writing and revision. It's also a journey wherein the writer meets her characters several times for the first time and each time is forced to analyze who they are and why they do what they do. It's a fascinating journey, and also sometimes cumbersome. I wish they would just jump up and introduce themselves to me, but the truth is they are only what I make them. They don't surprise me by what they are capable of, as I've heard some writers say. They do exactly as the are told. Maybe that's the problem. This probably doesn't make any sense to normal people reading this blog. I'm just rambling.

And maybe now is a good time to stop.

Realizing goals feels good.

I have recently discovered that realizing your personal and familial goals feels pretty darn good. With Bill making more than twice what he was making in Michigan, and Samuel growing up to be a darling, decent little boy, my life has been cozy--to put it mildly!

I've had time to train for my first marathon, which will be in October 2008. And I've had time to write. In the past few months, I have written an entire book. Well, I have a few pages left to write at the beginning and the end, but the middle is complete. It is amazing what you can get done in just one day when motivated and disciplined... and blessed. Let's not forget the blessings of a loving Father in Heaven who gives me purpose and realization of my worthy goals. He is glorious and--well, Divine!

With daily prayers for inspiration, I've been able to average ten pages in my story each day. The catch is that I have to write forward. I discovered that going back to revise the previous day's work only serves to stall the process and inhibit my imagination. So, I'm going to revise the book through a series of re-readings once it is complete. I have reached page 250 and passed it, so my new goal is simply to write out the rest of my outline in story form. That should only take a remaining 10-15 pages. After that, I had planned to revise and revise and revise with a paper copy of my work with a good old fashioned red pen.

But then I had an epiphany. Well, I remembered that my genre of novel likes to see a series, and so I pondered it, and mulled it over, and decided that, yes, I would write a trilogy. Why not? It's been done by so many! Surely, I can do it, too! Well, I certainly hope I can because the goal is on paper now and there's no stopping it from reaching fruition. I will complete this project and I will do it before the end of this year!

Having done with the middle part of the story, I have a prequel and a sequel to write. The prequel is practically written, since I began this story six years ago with events predating the middle portion. I've found some of those portions on an old livejournal. I'm so satisfied that the internet didn't eat them up. Sometimes one wonders about the things we send into cyberspace.
So the biggest challenge will be writing the last installment of the series. That is the episode that will require the most raw imagination. The outline isn't written yet--not really. Oh, but it will be soon. I find that the keys to my continual writing include a dash of self-deception. For one thing, I can't very well admit to myself how terrible I think that last paragraph sounds. I have to keep moving forward, as Disney says, and hope to revise it later. This requires ignoring a lot of my book's faults, but only temporarily. The depressing period of revision will be the time for picking at every pimple and sore. Painful as it will be, I will do it. Just not now. Now, I have goals to meet and two more books of a series to write, mesh, and coordinate together.

I read a book recently about how to read like a writer. In fact, I think that's what it was called: Read Like a Writer by a lady named Prose.

She made some helpful points, including the point that we should be reading our favorite authors carefully to learn from them the nuances of good writing. So I picked up my anthology of Emily Dickinson today and perused a few of her thousands of poems. Then I picked up the first Harry Potter by J.K. Rowling and began that for the umpteenth time, admiring the way she structures her sentences to keep me interested, even though I know how the story goes. Do you know that she has another book out? Tales of Beedle the Bard, or something. I can't wait to read it.

When I first picked up Harry Potter at the recommendation of my 13-year-old sister, I read a few lines in the middle and gave this verdict: "There's nothing remarkable about this writing." That was one of my life lessons. It turned out over the course of actually reading the books, there was something remarkable about her writing! It was in the way she used simple words and phrases in creative ways to tell an ingenious story with important moral principles. It was in the humor of her scenes and in her characters' voices, or the fright you can almost feel when Harry battles a foe. They were meant for children, published by Scholastic, no less. Yet, they reached a much more vast audience. There was definitely something remarkable about that author's writing. I can only hope to be a quarter as successful as she was, or half as good a writer.
Then there is Jane Austen, who is, of course, in a class by herself. Nobody can hold a candle to her. J.K. Rowling is fabulous, of course, but it is a different kind of writing. She is like J.R.R. Tolkein himself, or C. S. Lewis--in her skillfull story-telling. Jane Austen did more than tell a story with a moral. She gave us elegant insight into the minds of real people--not just made-up characters. Oh, she was fantastic. If only I could write with her narrator's authority and eloquence. If only my characters could be as aloof and emotionally-charged as hers.
I may be relegated to the status of blog-writer forever. Would that be a travesty? My only claim on writing is that I love it so well, and that it soothes me, and that my mother always loved my poetry. No greater than any other man's claim on the sport. But I do love it.

I hope that novel-writing is like essay-writing. The first essay I ever wrote was horrible, unremarkable, and disorganized. But as I learned the rules of good essay-writing, and practiced, and received criticism well, I began to get A's and then gold medals in Academic Decathlon's essay category, and finally published in the school journal. If I sat down to write an essay, even now, it would not be as good as my essays then were. It's about learning the rules and practicing consistently, right? So, in theory, I should be able to learn the art of novel-writing in the same manner. With this in mind, I believe strongly that my method of moving forward and writing and writing and writing and finishing my rough draft before I revise will work. When I have finished that, I will go back and apply the new rules I have learned through practice, and the revised copy will be glorious. Or at least better. I hope.

Wish me luck in my attempts at writing. For I have been working on the same novel for six years, and that is too long for failure. I must finish this story, because at least three others that I have thought of since beginning now beg to be told. My work is never done.

Guardian Covenant turns TRILOGY

Well, things have been going so well with my story, I've decided to expand into a trilogy. The book I am currently working on will be in the middle, with the prequel and sequel to be finished soon. I have 212 pages of the middle book completed, which means I have less than 40 pages to my original goal of 250. It's going to be a task to make sure the three books are seamless, without contradiction to each other, but that's why I'm going to do them all in the same word document. I'm having fun weaving true life principles into the story, especially after I read an awful book called Best Friends by Martha Moody. It was her first novel and more edgy travesties are to follow already. I will not be reading any subsequent novels from that author. Though the book was not entirely without merit, it did further political and amoral agendas that I want no part of. For one, it attempted to make pornography seem acceptable as a way of providing for a family, and I am dead-bent against pornography in all its forms. On top of that, the narrator's many extra-marital affairs and her husbands' extra-martial affairs make adultery look commonplace and borderline acceptable. I find that type of writing unacceptable and I wouldn't want my children to read it either.

Call me old fashioned, call me a Dr. Laura fan, but I don't like the idea of all our morals in society decaying past the point of no-return. Imagine a world where people did whatever they wanted whenever they wanted, oblivious to whom they hurt because they were trying to make THEIR life better and happier, at least for a moment or two. That's exactly what our society worldwide is coming to: selfishness, the ME era. I'd rather have our era be called the Golden era like a past era was called. Why must we be so self-destructive while being self-serving. I'm not on a soap-box, believe me. I've had my share of self-destructive and self-serving behavior and I still battle with the self. I just think we should be writing and discussing about admirable human qualities, qualities that CAN BE attained in this life: honor, as my friend Rosie taught me, and compassion for others, sensitivity to others and not only oneself, sacrifice. In my mind, sacrifice is one of the most important qualities we can add to our lives. It is found in bearing and raising children with kindness; it is found in staying married and building love even after several years of tribulation or financial distress; it is found in honesty and scruples in business despite low profits or failed marketing; it is found in every type of real love and every type of true virtue. Sacrifice and its surprising rewards and joy should be taught to our children. Sacrifice should be written of in every tale. Well, at least that's what I think. I hope my writing is at least good enough to be a vehicle for this message to others. Read for the characters, the personalities, the plot, but remember clearly the message: Love is sacrifice and joy can be found therein.

It sure feels good to get words down on the page and to get closer to my goals of publication, though perhaps not acclaim. My brand of principles and scruples isn't so welcome in the editor's office. We'll have to see how difficult it is to get a novel published when it's not EDGY to the point of apostasy. Of course, if a person doesn't know the truth, I can hardly blame them for floundering. It's impossible to apostasize from lies, and it is the truth with which I am mainly concerned. I just wish there were more people out there SEEKING truth. Why are people content to live out a zombied existence, with no true ambition for goodness? Benjamin Franklin is a man I most admire for his list of qualities that he believed would lead him to perfection. He tried--and failed--many times to overcome every human flaw. But he tried. How many of us can honestly say that we have tried to overcome our flaws and move toward perfection? I hope more of us will. I know it has been a goal of mine to follow in his ambitions, though perhaps not his exact footsteps.

Mirielle, my protagonist, is me in a lot of ways. But she is a better version of me, though she still has faults. I have not written her with my faults, which I deem to be too awful for a heroine to possess. I want her to be a role model, not a real model. My struggle, then, is to make her story believable in the midst of unbelieveable events. I hope I can succeed in this. It will be my life's work until I do.

Other life goals this year: run my first marathon on Oct. 7th and teach my son to read.

Peace and Blessings.

The Guardian Covenant is on a roll

So, after a long time of avoiding my word processor, Guardian Covenant is back up on the screen and I am making progress. What happened was that I began the novel again whilst I was pregnant with my first child and simultaneously joined an online writing group that critiqued my work.

Due to many, many critiques, I then felt that my work was a complete disaster and began starting over. Starting over when you're in the middle of the work is a BAD idea! I ended up with 130 pages, 60 of which were the new story and the remainder of which were part of the old story, and had the arduous task of--not writing--but melding and meshing the two stories together somehow. This involved a long series of flashbacks, fudging, and overall bad writing. Well, I have finally meshed all the parts of the story that are still relevant with one another and it has taken a LONG time! As I'm writing this, my son is 17 1/2 months old. So, the moral of the story is: writing groups are great and can be helpful once your work is completed. But don't seek their advice in the middle of your story. You end up with a million sub-authors that get into your head and stifle the writing process. At least, that's the way it was for me. I knew that eager-to-please aspect of my personality would get me into troubled someday.

So now, all these months later, I am finally in a spot with my current novel that I like. It still has some shady flashbacks that I could probably work out if I tried. But my new process is to just write in a forward motion and I will revise when the work is completed. I take notes in a little notebook along the way of things I want to change, and later I will be able to go back and revise to my heart's content. But for now, I am making progress with the all-important story-line. THE PLOT! And that's where I've been stuck for the longest time.

What is the story about? you may ask. It's about spies and family ethics. Strange concepts to put together, I know, but it satisfies my desires both to write about action, intrigue, and secrets AND to write about family, priorities, and the meaning of life.

The story is about Angus Chase and his goddaughter Mirielle Benedict. Early in the story, Angus mysteriously disappears in the wake of his house exploding. Mirielle, then only 16 years old, has to deal with the emotional turmoil this inflicts on her while trying to decide what to do with her life after high school and whether or not to believe her godfather is still alive and that she ought to go searching for him. There is romance, family, humor, and fighting. Whether or not it is skillfully put together, I'll have to bow to my readers for confirmation. But I'm finally happy with where the story is going and how it is coming together.

I've been praying for the inspiration to write this story so that it's meaningful. Why write if it's not meaningful? I just hope I fit the bill.

Why Homeschooling Matters...

In the news recently was a story reporting the declarations of a California Supreme Court Justice: "Parents do not have a constitutional right to homeschool their children." Homeschoolers across the nation cringed and felt sick upon hearing those words repeated in the news over the next few weeks. And it begs the question:

What right does the government, state or federal, have to legislate how we teach our children?

Public schools are meant as one option for educating children, but in recent decades, greedy school districts, hungry for larger enrollment and indignant that an increasing number of families are choosing homeschool, have set out on witch hunts for "bad" homeschoolers who can be made examples for the rest through the justice system.

A young homeschooled boy riding his bicycle to his grandmother's house during public school hours on his own spring break was ticketed for truancy, despite his mother confirming that he was on spring break and on the way to his grandmother's house.

This is just one example of how stricter truancy laws are being used to catch NOT delinquents, but homeschoolers! Sneaky, huh? Didn't see it coming, did you?

The truth is that there are those working in the public school system, entrenched in the establishment, who would do anything to keep their way of life intact amid a changing educational scene. While standardized test scores plummet and school shootings continue to rise, private schools rise up across the nation, some merely umbrella schools for homeschoolers with curricula for sale that parents can teach in their own homes. It's enough to make any self-respecting school board member incited to anger. How dare they pull their kids out of the public school system when we're paid per student in enrollment. They're depriving poor kids of excellent art and sports programs, new computers, etc. How can they even afford private schooling when we're taxing them for schools using the property tax?!

The truth is that everything the system is doing is underhanded and over the heads of the citizens they are supposed to serve. "The ends justify the means" is their motto. Taxing people through the property tax whether their kids attend public schools or not is just one example.

Why are they so underhanded? Because the truth is that the work they are so busy doing involves taking away basic American rights, and to do it blatantly would stir an uprising. So they do it carefully and slowly, over decades. They declare an education crisis and ask for an increased budget, more (quantity, not quality) standardized tests, and better laws to ensure kids GO to school.

All the while, increased bureaucracy cumbers the educational process so that instead of learning, the kids are busy taking tests for a week at a time. Instead of learning academia, the kids are pulled into auditoriums and gymnasiums to be taught "sex education," "physical education," now "parenting education." Odds are that anything with the word "education" attached to it is something the government shouldn't be teaching your child.

(see http://www.deliberatedumbingdown.com/)

Then they lament that math and science are not being taught well enough. Where is the time to teach math, science, history, and reading, when children are being taught how to use condoms, run laps around the gym, and what the government thinks makes good parents, not to mention the time siphoned away for standardized testing. Ask any teacher and they will tell you that they wish they had more time to teach their subject.

The fact is that the public school system is becoming so socialist in nature that it is losing its focus on children at all. 'Sacrifice the single child for the good of the whole class' is becoming the accepted creed. Without individual attention and tutoring, children are graduating from public high schools with huge gaps in their knowledge of history, science, and even the basics of English grammar. No wonder communication is a problem in families and workplaces.

As a result of this failure to teach, concerned parents are pulling their children en masse from the established system either to reinsert them into private schools with better teacher-to-student ratios or to teach them at home on their own.

This trend is a natural response to a deteriorating system, especially in a democratic and capitalistic society such as ours. Competition is good, remember? So why are some people's panties in a twist over something so natural and good?

Well, that's easy to answer. Remember the words to "Three Blind Mice?" It's a popular folk song here in America and here are the lyrics that I learned as a child:

"Three blind mice
Three blind mice
See how they run
See how they run
They all run after the farmer's wife
Who cut off their tails with a carving knife
Have you ever seen such a sight in your life
As three blind mice?!"

The other day, a toddler songs cd that I bought for my son was playing in the living room while my sister was over with her baby. When "Three Blind Mice" came on, she was appalled that they had changed the words to:

"They all ran after the farmer's wife/Who never had been so smitten with strife"

Why should she care that a few words had been changed from this inconsequential folk song? She cares because it challenges her memory of the status quo; it changes things from the way she is used to them being. It changes things. People, as a rule, do not like change, even if it's a single line in an old child's song.

Multiply that by a thousand and you get public school workers' feelings about education in America changing as dramatically as it has been in recent years. In their minds, something must be done to get things back to the way they were.

The problem is this: In order to regain the status quo, the government must intervene in the private lives of ALL of its citizens. They must declare once and for all that parents are NOT in charge of the children God gave them to raise and to care for. They must assert that the government, in fact, owns every child and has a say in what those children are taught, by whom they are taught, and when they are taught it. They must ridiculously say, as that justice from California did, that parents have no constitutional right to homeschool their children.

But watch out to those of you unconcerned with this issue because you are not a homeschooler, or because you have no children of your own. Each right taken from us is a stepping stone to a socialist society... one where what YOU read is censored and monitored, one where children (yours and mine) are taught only the propoganda of the time and not schooled in the classic academia of math, science, history, and reading, except to the level that they can read government propoganda.

Our government is structured well with many checks and balances. We enjoy many freedoms that God has given us which our government has wisely left in our hands to this point.

But what happens when those handling both the checks and the balances become corrupted and self-interested? What happens when they decide that maintenance of government authority in education is more important than personal choice and learning?

I am not an alarmist, but a realist. And I see the socialist trends in a once free land. I have to point them out to others before the freedom to blog is taken as well.

Why does homeschooling matter? It's a type and a shadow of things to come. When our children are left to bureaucrats to raise, it's time to speak up. Please, write your congressmen and congresswomen, not a form letter, but a genuine letter of concern from an informed constituent. One voice can be ignored, but thousands cannot.

Easter, War for Will, and the Miracle of Green

It's mid-march and Easter is just a few days away. That's so strange! Easter is supposed to be in April. Is there a reason they've changed the date? It makes more sense in April with all its springtime splendor. Not to mention historical accuracy. Perhaps it's just part of the continued plot to throw Christians off their own ship. I think more people think favorably of the Muslim religion than they do of the Christian religion lately. I wonder if the news media has anything to do with that? That's not really a question. Most disturbing are the reports that teachers in public schools, especially in history and science classes are teaching that religion (read Christian religion) has been the cause of most of the wars and massacres of history and mocks science and logical thought. Great things for our Christian children to be hearing from those who are supposed to be guiding them through academic curricula. Chalk one more up to homeschooling.

The truth is that Phillip Pullman is right (author of the Golden Compass trilogy). There is a war coming, whether we want it or not. And it is a war for free will. The awful thing is that we've already had this war... a long time ago. And free will won out. Why are evil people still trying to take that away from each other? True diversity means free will.

Well, those are just things I've been thinking about lately. I added some more plants to my windowbox herb garden: parsley, sage, basil, chives, catnip, lemon balm and cilantro. I know catnip isn't exactly a culinary herb, but that's okay. It helps with lowering fevers and lessening teething pain for children. I think that's pretty darn cool. I've been studying herbs off and on since college, but recently I've been reading Rosemary Gladstar, who is a famous herbalist. I just love her writing! She makes some great points about teaching our children about the usefulness of plants. It's so important for them to respect and seek out nature. After all, the drugs and chemicals modern medicine use are ALL derived from plants. Thinking about that makes it so much easier to give thanks in ALL things to God. All things really do come from God and without him is not anything made that is made. I love knowing that; it means He loves us that much, to give us all the things our bodies need. It's too perfect not to be God.

Purpose of this blog

The original purpose of this blog, though it may change, is to communicate my feelings and process about my book-writing efforts.

Throughout my life, I have been a creative soul: often dramatic, but always passionate. This is a writer's diary-- a place to let my writing career evolve and develop, I hope, into a verile, fruit-bearing tree... preferrably pink grapefruit. I love pink grapefruit.

First, I want to express my disappointment with the over-mechanization of novel-writing that occurs first in the public schools when well-meaning teachers insist that young writers conform to a series of rules, some of which are ridiculous... like delineating which tense we all should write in, and that you should never end a phrase with a preposition as I just did. In truth and in life, we all communicate imperfectly and I think we all enjoy reading thoughts that share this degree of imperfection. In my writing, I strive for accuracy in mechanics, grammar, punctuation, etc., but I have all but given up many of the other rules I have been taught for writing good essays and fiction. For example, some people would have you believe that you can never use the helping verb "had" or "have" in your writing, because it is cumbersome (or for whatever reason). Or they will tell you to limit your descriptive adjectives until your sentences are streamlined steam engines that get straight to the point without meandering at all. How awful! What if Robert Frost wrote like that?

Over-mechanization of novel-writing will claim me as its constipated victim no longer! I will write according to the rules I have learned, only insofar as it sounds and feels good! I know, that's so bold and brash, but it must be said by me if I'm to continue in this journey. I will write freely and I will revise conscientiously. But (yes, I started with that word on purpose) I will not revise my work to match the trends of today's popular fiction or non-fiction. I do not want my books to have the same trendy covers and titles that I see on the shelves at the bookstore. I prefer them to resemble the classics I find in the library. And what I have learned from the writers of yesteryear is that great writing can be done in my own style, even breaking a rule or two here and there. Even using "trite" expressions appropriately can serve a purpose in great writing. And so I declare my independence from over-mechanized writing and say, "Leave me be!" to the great critics of the world who are great only for criticizing those who are truly great.

And thus begins my blog. Most of it won't be this self-righteous-sounding, I hope. :-)